How To Find Friends As An Adult
Y'all it's really a thing…
So breathe that huge sigh of relief, wipe off shame, tears or frustrations - SIS WE ARE WITH YOU (AND it's exactly why GTB exists today). Never in my wildest dreams would I ever imagined googling such a thing…
“How does one find friends as an adult?” and well here I was...
School, workplaces, family and familiar territories always end up providing some sort of natural framework that gets built in to society however when one of those moves, changes, shifts or transitions - marriages, kids, relationships you end up in this season of life where you may be evaluating that you might be in a space for some new friendships in your life.
At 24 years old I certainly was… Here I was moving across the country where I would not know a soul and accepting a promotion where I’d be relocated for the purpose of overseeing operations at a brand new work site. Real talk that initially eliminates expecting to be best friends with your direct reports (at least at first).
And also writing to you as a single gal so the first month felt like I had just walked into Carrie Bradshaw's life and was certainly not complaining - I just moved into temporary housing smack in the middle of downtown - where I could walk to work each day, grab a bite to eat on the corner and the most epic walk in closet it was shiny and sparkly and certainly distracting..
However once the first week of excitement wore off, the sense of loneliness came crashing in, I just left my family, my friends, all that I knew and moved to a brand new city across the country. and you guys we are truly NOT meant to do life alone… (AND Y'all I DID THIS FOUR TIMES TO MYSELF - WHYYYYYYYYYYY?! Haha we can unpack that at some other time haha).
However, in this blog not only will you get my tips for finding friends as an adult but you’ll also get to learn from my mistakes too… There may be a part 2 and 3 coming as well! Lots of ground to cover...
As someone that has never had an issue meeting friends or connections, I figured the time would come and it’d just naturally happen… That's what usually happens right? So with that I threw myself into my work and career and allowed myself to work all the hours and essentially numb out a bit…
Soon a few months in, I wasn’t surrounded by friends and friends that felt like family and it all sort of started to sink in and realized I was going to have to be a whole lot more intentional about this.
I call myself the most introverted/extroverted person you’ll meet, 50% on both sides, quiet and more reserved at first and then once you get to know me, I won’t shut up :). However bottom line the idea of initiating something or putting myself out there? It is ABSOLUTELY TERRIFYING! (for many of you I know too.)
So here are a few ways I put myself out there, in no order of importance or priority :).
Be Intentional + Be Brave
One of the best pieces of advice I could give is please do not ever be hesitant to share a kind word, compliment or strike up a conversation. Don’t ever hesitate to let someone know that you’d love to get to know them more. Personally it’s been such a compliment when approached with that sort of intentionality. So while you're shopping around Trader Joe’s, or working from a local coffee shop - deep breath, be fearless, walk up to someone that has an amazing sense of style, compliment them and strike up a convo! Sometimes I think we might be waiting around for someone to invite us into something and even if you're newer to a city you can always invite someone out for a cup of coffee, Happy Hour or to explore your new hood with them. YOU CAN DO IT!!!
Join A Social Sports Team
I played softball in high school but not lately…. Y'ALL I was no way in shape or form. Heck, I don’t even know if I remembered how to play!
And kickball? The last time that I played was probably in elementary school!
But I signed up for both! The general set up for a recreational sports team or league is playing a game or two one or two nights a week and then, a lot of times, an organized happy hour happens directly after. I didn’t meet my best friends, but it was a great way to be active and connect with others in a low pressure and low stakes, and heck maybe even trying something new for the first time.
There are social sport leagues around the country that are always a blast, a great demographic of young professionals. I would recommend checking to see if there is Vavi and Club Waka kickball leagues in your area or something similar offered through your local recreation center!
Narrow Your Niche
Not a sports person? Well you're in luck…
Are you a stay at home mom? A budding entrepreneur? Faith based? Blogger? Young professional? Newly married? Empty nester? etc.. Have you always dreamed about learning how to paint? or want to learn pottery?
Join all the clubs, sign up for all the classes and do the things you’ve always wanted to try. There are numerous facebook groups that you can always sift through for whatever niche you might want to narrow in on to find people in similar stage of life that you are. You can also scroll through Instagram and search through local events, we recommend checking out posts with the hashtag #YOURCITYEVENTS to find events or happenings in your area. It’s important to recognize that you may have to try something and then maybe try again sometimes. You may meet some new people but we know that not everyone is for everyone AND THAT IS TOTALLY OKAY, it’s important that you just keep showing up! Have an open mind and try something a few times before you decide it’s not your cup of tea. Plus it's great practice to get more comfortable and confident in social settings.
PSA: pulling out my “brunch mom” card but maybe stay away from the dating apps (AT FIRST) I know it's so tempting but always great to have a support system / meeting a local friend first always means you can have someone to check in with as you’re exploring the horizons, with wisdom and safety.
Get A Dog…If You’re Ready for One!
YAY! If you already have one! This is a very biased tip here (sorry for my non-animal lovers or other animal categories).
Getting Milo was the best decision I ever made but it was long thought out and made sure I was in a position to accept all the responsibility. However, getting a dog happened to also open up some avenues of my social life a bit. Dog friendly patios, bars and dog parks always tend to be a great social outlet. I ended up meeting 2 very close friends at a local dog park and we just happened to have randomly struck up a conversation.
Join A Local GTB Chapter (…duh!)
Or if there isn’t one in your area yet? Then start one! Getting a little more biased as we go :) haha. But TBH, these are all ways that I’ve found friends during each of my moves, so they do WORK!
One of the best things about GTB is that it's all walks of life, bonding over all things like brunch, femininity, sharing connections and friendships. I’ve met some of the most astonishing incredible women, some of my very best friends, colleagues, travel buddies, roomies and more from this community. Every time I’ve moved I’ve had an instant sisterhood to fall into or was able to start one. It's the sacred space in your life where you can invite the girl you met at yoga and your hairdresser to one social setting- where else in life does that exist? It's so helpful! We love bringing the most incredible gals throughout a city together where you may not have met otherwise. You can’t help but feel the energy and synergy in coming together and that we’re all part of something so much bigger than ourselves. Through the hustle and bustle of life, 9-5’s, important issues that exist around our world being brought to light, dim news and getting to share in a simple human connection, really does re-calibrate our sense of humanity. We’re in such a digital age that the simple art of human connection gets lost somewhere, and there's only so much ground you can cover in a 150 character status update. The table we believe is where life happens, you see hearts being knitted together, you see moments of inadequacy falling to the wayside, you see people light up as they talk about who they are, what they do, what they want to do and it's the ultimate gift where we slide our phones to the side except for the occasional selfie or snap and enjoy the ultimate gift of being PRESENT.
While GTB is set out to find the very best brunch destinations & resources around the world... At the very heart of it, our mission is to…
…set the table to empower women and create spaces for community.
We love helping connect women to "their people'' and helping create friendships because as an adult that can be challenging at times! Our community is made up of professionals, entrepreneurs, moms and women from all walks of life. We come alive when we get to see women walking in more freedom, championing one another and reaching goals together! At the end of the day, that's truly why we do what we do!
And if you're like, “Tiffany, I have tried most of these and am still really struggling”… email me :) I’d love to encourage you, I might even know a “gal” in your city :)
Take this time of your life to enjoy YOU - get to know yourself, take yourself on dates, process through your heart, dreams and what steps you can take in some of this new profound freedom - there's always something that blossoms within us all when we’re in a place of perhaps risk or out of our comfort zone. Pay attention, re-center and recreate.
Stay the course my beautiful friend… because, you my dear, are so very worth it and YOU ARE worth knowing! And we’re cheering you on!
I know that every city is always a tad different. However after 4 cross country moves in a span of 7 years? I’ve got this down pat sista!! (however ALWAYS learning and trying new things) so for those who need to hear this, YOU GOT THIS! And always reminding myself that SO DO I.
xoxo,
Tiffany
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
ENTREPRENEUR | COMMUNITY CHAMPION | BRUNCH AFICIONADO
Tiffany Accardi is an Entrepreneur, Community Champion, Brunch Aficionado and occasionally moonlighting as a GTB "blogger". Based in Los Angeles, CA with her Chocolate Lab, Milo. Lover of all things sparkly, creative, community, pool floating, soulful conversations + fabulous dinner parties. Her passion is creating family, community, and deep impacts.
Through her own journey of pursuing freedom it has been her hope and purpose to raise up ideas and encourage people to develop their dreams and visions into the highest callings on their lives. To see people walk in complete freedom, fullness and wholeness as we are all so perfectly designed to be.